It’s Not Always Easy

Every morning we wake up with a huge grin on our face. We spring out of bed, full of energy and enthusiasm for the day, and draw back the curtains, allowing the rays of sunshine to penetrate through. “Ahhh’ we let out a gentle sigh of appreciation, thinking of all the things we are so grateful for in our lives. “What a beautiful morning. I feel so alive, so happy to be here and so excited about today!” After a delicious breakfast, enjoyed with the one we love, in the peace and quiet of our budding garden, we skip off to work. From here, our day unfolds magnificently…
We feel the hearts and kindness of strangers we meet, and lap up all the meaningful conversations we exchange. We pat ourselves on the back when our boss congratulates us on all our hard work (even though we really don’t feel like it’s work at all) and beam when he says it’s a delight to have us as part of the team. Our full lunch hour is spent in tranquillity, in the nearby park. We sit back by the glistening lake, feeling the sun warm our face, listening to the sounds of the birds, and indulging in our favourite home-made sandwich. In the same fashion, our day continues to flow with ease and joy. We’re out of work by 5pm, and able to meander along to the yoga studio for an invigorating practice. To then come home to a delightful veggie dinner offered to us by our partner. No worries, no moans to be had. We’re not even the one to wash up! Bed-time comes at the perfect moment, just before 10pm. We cosy up under the covers and think “I so look forward to waking up tomorrow.”

What a wonderful world we’d live in if this were our experience, day-in, day-out. Ease, flow and peacefulness, maxed up to the brim. Nothing to worry about, nothing to fear and nothing made hard for us. An easy life, and path of happiness…

But is this really what we’re after? Does this ‘ideal’ even exist? Can things come so easily to us, and leave us so content and fulfilled? I’m not so sure they can. And I don’t believe this is really what we’re after.

Bring down a glorious image of what life can be is not what I want to do. I think that our lives are out there for the taking, the making, and the creating. They can be filled with beautiful moments, shared with outstanding people and lived truly to the full of our hearts desire. But, at the same time, and from my experience, we need to see all the colours of the rainbow. And the truth is: It’s Not Always Easy.

During the last few weeks on my school placement, I experienced a challenging time, a ‘tough period’. I certainly wasn’t waking up to sunshine beaming in at me every day, or feeling energised or like I had moments to spare for meandering through parks. No, quite the opposite. In fact on some days, I barely spent any time out in nature. I was too busy waking at the crack of dawn (at 4am on several occasions) to do my planning, feeling waves of anxiety about the days ahead and whether my lessons would be any good. I was feeling very tired during the day, trying to find my feet and make the most of the experience. My yoga and running schedule deteriorated, and pretty much went out of the window on the last week. I found myself opting for moments of relaxation and sleep, instead of exercise. I tried to establish a good work/life balance, I tried to make time for things I know are important for my well-being, I tried to do the best job I could on my school placement and I desperately tried to get myself back on ‘top form.’

And it was during all this ‘trying’, that I learnt a very important message: to ‘let go’, and just flow with my experience. I learnt to slow down, take things gently and not worry about having to be ‘on top’ all the time. “It’s alright to experience things differently, to come across bumps in the road, and to spend time in the valley, rather than at the peak of the mountain.” I listened to these words I heard from within me. I listened to the cues and prompts from my body, like when it said “lay off a run today and take some time to lie low and rest”, “go out and enjoy today, with no worries of it being the ‘best day’”, and a third one, which I think is really important: “life is not always easy, and that’s OK.”

We can learn from every experience, every ‘bad day’ and every difficult moment.

Precious Time

All the while we’re out there, doing whatever it is that we’re doing, the clock is ticking and moments are passing. Can we honestly say that we’re making perfect, or at least good use of time? That we’re happy with what we spend it on?

Something so precious as time, is sadly often taken for granted, wished away or just not cared for. And this is a great shame. We can never tread the same step twice, touch the same waters or get opportunities back, and so it’s down to us to act in moments when they arrive. Otherwise, we may look back and wish we’d stepped out more and not let things slip between our fingers.

Perhaps there’s a new adventure we want to embark on, a friendship to invest in, a career line to take, a love affair to run with, a dream to follow, a call to make. Wherever we are on our journeys, we need to open our eyes to what’s before us, and our ears to hear it calling our name.

It may mean that we need to create some new behaviour, to get things started. These new opportunities calling us over could seem scary and risky, out there in unknown parameters. Doubts may arise and fear set in. We’ll want to cling to our comfort blanket, the place we’ve been rested so long. So, we’ll need courage and strength to lay the first foundations, and thirst and enthusiasm to see us through into the new life.

When we start to make truly good use of time, we will feel a change of flow. And this is natural; time will take on a new meaning. Things may suddenly speed up or an hour could last a lifetime. This is a part of the process, of breaking free from the humdrum of wasted time, wasted moments. It is important to reach out and not just stay where we are, living in wonder of what life could be.

Recently, I’ve decided to make some changes. In seeing my time as precious and dear to me, I’ve chosen to spend my moments with people I feel real joy and happiness being with, to do the things my heart is in and to say yes to new experiences and adventures I had only dreamt of.

What we choose in our present is what defines our future. Each choice, each action counts in its making. We won’t simply arrive somewhere one day we’ve been longing for – not unless we set stones today. This is why we need to act. We need to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, bite the bullet, strike whilst it’s hot and shake things up a notch.

Remember, things can get better. Time can be an amazing healer, a tool, a valuable source, a treasure. You can have the life you truly want. Make time work in your favour. Make it count, last and accommodate all of your inner desires. Make the best use of this gem that you ever have before. Let it astound you.

Take a look at your life as it is. Is time working for you or against you? Are you flying high or staying low? What could you bring in/act on today that you haven’t already?

Sink or Swim

sink or swim

So, I’m living back in halls, as a student again. I’ve dived head first into a world entirely new and unfamiliar and you know I couldn’t be happier.

From the day I moved in some eight weeks ago, my life has been drumming to a new beat – a faster, more exciting, less predictable one. With little time to adapt, I seemed to just appear in a distinctly different arena: new city, surroundings, bedroom, friends, course, lifestyle, routines… I said goodbye to the country bumpkin me that was becoming and hello to the new life, noticing that not a single bit of continuity was supporting me. It was clear that it was down to me – was I going to sink or swim?

For the first few days, I bobbed along on the surface, minding my way and seeing what cropped up. I was settling into my new living arrangement, spending long days at university, forming quick and sturdy friendships, laughing a lot, whilst all the time trying to make sense of the latest me.

I observed various aspects of myself emerge, from what I now know as a deep hibernation; all sorts of language, behaviour and means of self-expression. Suddenly, I was no longer hiding myself behind an overly positive curtain, choosing which emotions were good and holding in the so-called bad. Now I was dipping in to a whole palette of emotions, including anger, frustration, indifference and sadness.

On week two, I sunk. Crying wholeheartedly down the phone to my family, I realised how lost I felt. The rollercoaster I was holding so tightly onto was all too much for me. I wanted off the ride, immediately. I longed for the continuity back in my life, the peace and quiet. I put my sense of bewilderment down to bad decision making: did I really want to train as a primary school teacher? Had I stepped onto a path that I didn’t want to go down?

I soon realised that what I thought was me acting out of my nature, was actually the very opposite. I was being more true to myself than I had for a while – I was letting myself shine through, uncensored. “It’s ok to be me, to be whole and feel the way I do”, I cried.

What a relief I felt at that moment, when I let myself off the hook for being myself, in understanding that things don’t need to be so rosy. I took down the curtain that day and have been swimming head above the water since.

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