Sink or Swim

08/11/2009 — rosannagordon

sink or swim

So, I’m living back in halls, as a student again. I’ve dived head first into a world entirely new and unfamiliar and you know I couldn’t be happier.

From the day I moved in some eight weeks ago, my life has been drumming to a new beat – a faster, more exciting, less predictable one. With little time to adapt, I seemed to just appear in a distinctly different arena: new city, surroundings, bedroom, friends, course, lifestyle, routines… I said goodbye to the country bumpkin me that was becoming and hello to the new life, noticing that not a single bit of continuity was supporting me. It was clear that it was down to me – was I going to sink or swim?

For the first few days, I bobbed along on the surface, minding my way and seeing what cropped up. I was settling into my new living arrangement, spending long days at university, forming quick and sturdy friendships, laughing a lot, whilst all the time trying to make sense of the latest me.

I observed various aspects of myself emerge, from what I now know as a deep hibernation; all sorts of language, behaviour and means of self-expression. Suddenly, I was no longer hiding myself behind an overly positive curtain, choosing which emotions were good and holding in the so-called bad. Now I was dipping in to a whole palette of emotions, including anger, frustration, indifference and sadness.

On week two, I sunk. Crying wholeheartedly down the phone to my family, I realised how lost I felt. The rollercoaster I was holding so tightly onto was all too much for me. I wanted off the ride, immediately. I longed for the continuity back in my life, the peace and quiet. I put my sense of bewilderment down to bad decision making: did I really want to train as a primary school teacher? Had I stepped onto a path that I didn’t want to go down?

I soon realised that what I thought was me acting out of my nature, was actually the very opposite. I was being more true to myself than I had for a while – I was letting myself shine through, uncensored. “It’s ok to be me, to be whole and feel the way I do”, I cried.

What a relief I felt at that moment, when I let myself off the hook for being myself, in understanding that things don’t need to be so rosy. I took down the curtain that day and have been swimming head above the water since.

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Breathe It Away

26/08/2009 — rosannagordon

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“Just Breathe It Away” are the wise words once uttered to me.

And which I’ll never forget. They’ve stayed with me since and have brought me great freedom from life’s difficult times.

The truth is there are going to be difficult times on your life’s journey. Moments of unease, frustration, anger, fear, weakness or pain.

But it’s up to you to choose your response, your approach to whatever’s thrown your way.

You can let things consume you, get at you, aggravate you, have power over you. Or you can choose to Breathe It Away and thereby release yourself from any hold.

The breath is a very powerful tool, that we are all so fortunate to have. At your beckon call it comes forth, in any state that you so ask for.

Allow the breath to guide you, steer you, strengthen you, free you.

You won’t always have the security, the comfort, the peace of being under your covers, wrapped in your blanket, on your meditation cushion or under the dimmed and assuring lights of your yoga class. Sometimes you have to face the music – directly.

So say you’re sitting opposite someone and they say something that gets your back up, that annoying or ridiculous thing they’ve said before and you just know they’ll say again! “How dare they!” When they know how much it upsets or annoys you why are they doing it? Why aren’t they changing?” Or you see something that makes you see red, you hear something that makes your heart sink, your stomach churn. And you feel like there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. “No escape” you say. “I just can’t cope, I’m just so argh right now, my heart is thumping uncontrollably and I need to shout out!” “I need to leave this space. I need to go back to my room, shut the door and stay under my covers, until they change.”

And this is perfectly natural. As human beings, you will feel things, experience different emotions, be ruffled in different ways.

But another truth for you, which may seem shocking: They don’t need to change. They simply are, it simply is this way. You need to change.

You can only ever work on yourself.

So when you feel so strongly in such a way that it causes you pain. Bring it back to you – see the effect, the unhealthiness this is creating for you. Know that it is time for a new response. You can change the cycle, start afresh!

Start by surrendering to your powerlessness. You don’t need to deny how you feel – feelings will change in time with new habits – you just need to bring acceptance to where you are right now and learn to feel your breath.

Breathe It Away. Breathe It Away.
Wherever you are, whatever the difficult situation bring a conscious awareness to your breathing, slow it down and count to 10. And just stay present. You don’t need to escape.

In doing so you will find new answers, new meaning, new responses and new guidance you may not have known could exist.

Try it – Breathe It Away – and find your release.

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Letting Go

03/07/2009 — rosannagordon

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Ahhh to feel truly relaxed, at peace and free. To have this feeling fill you up and flow through you. That is just a wonder.

Letting Go is all about setting yourself free, softening, finding solace, a place of comfort and being released from any discomfort.

It is a brilliant tool to use in bringing more and more happiness to you. As you begin to let go in different areas of your life, you become closer connected with your core, your essence. You relearn how to breathe deeply, see the hearts around you and spend moments of pure happiness with loved ones.

Letting Go is such a valuable skill to nurture. And one to keep close to you on your life’s journey. It is precious. For the process of gradual release allows you to unwind, untie and discard anything in you and your life which is in ravels, knots, piles and perhaps has been for some time, accumulating dust.

As you begin to let go, you can stand back and see before your eyes how the world can change and look so different. This new softer, calmer perspective allows your breath to lengthen, muscles to relax and the stars to brighten above you.

No longer do you need to hold on to any anger bubbling inside you, hate spitting out of you, resentment festering, regret lingering, greed all-consuming, frustration revving. The tightness constricting you can relax, old thoughts can be blown away and peace can set in.

How can you Let Go? When you’re holding on with all your might to a world you know so well and have habituated – How can you refresh the moment, untangling what you no longer need?

How can you find such peace and tranquility, a release from caught-up emotions? How can you see the sunlight again after it’s been hiding for so long behind that cloud?

Not always an easy process. Taking longer for some than others. But totally possible and definitely worth the effort.

For each of us, the ravels, knots and piles vary. The things you want to let go of in your life are different from your partners, friends and family. Letting Go is a personal journey. So you need to think carefully about what it is that you are holding on to that restricts you from being truly free and the best, healthiest version of yourself. What is it that’s wasting your energy, enthusiasm and potential?

Ways of Letting Go: Close any arguments that have been going on for countless time, no matter who’s fault you think it is. Forgive everyone, no matter how much hurt you feel. Lose all blame, taking full responsibility for yourself. Do not victimise yourself, this only wastes time. Know that happiness is an inside job, the answers aren’t ‘out there’. Be grateful for everything you have, little and large. Make friends with your supposed enemies, see them as innocent. Speak with loving words to yourself, harsh words feed the pain. Seek the things that bring you lasting joy, lose the things that weigh you down. Look on the positive side of life, lose negativity. Stop trying to please everyone, it’s not possible or worthwhile. Drop the habits which leave you feeling bad, see them as old.

Forgiveness, Self-Responsibility, Inner Happiness, Gratitude, Friendship, Kindness, Compassion – these are your keys to peace. And unless you unlock the doors, you may never see how different it can be.

Throughout the process of Letting Go stay close to your breath. Breathe in everything that you feel, good or bad. Use your breath to steady yourself, stay in the present moment and slow things down for you to see clearly what’s really happening.

Breathe in. Let Go. Breathe out.

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