Summer Is Here, Time To Rejuvenate

A New Life

I’ve been away from blogging for a while, due to busy last stages of my PGCE teacher training – which I’m proud to say I’ve finished! I can breathe a huge sigh of relief. A totally amazing year, full of learnings and great achievement.

Two weeks have gone by since the course ended and life really has moved fast. I’ve moved fast. I’m now living in Cambridge, settling into a new flat and city, looking for work as supply teacher and putting foundations in place for my yoga business. As a newcomer, I can be as much a part of the side alleys or the centre streets as I like, because nobody knows me. Well, apart from my brother and sister, who I’m so happy to live close to.

Overwhelm to Strength

Day One here came, and I was off, running around the city, trying to get everything set up. I had so eagerly anticipated starting my new adventure that I couldn’t help myself! But by the end of the week, I was suffering from overwhelm. The reality hit me that it would take time adjusting to everything. Big changes have come all at once and a lot of shifting is going on. I’m aware though that this initial period of settling in and experiencing emotions such as fear and doubt is a part of the growing process.

In our bravery, we can make great changes in our lives. But then when it actually comes to living the change and we’re stepping out in the unknown, fear often shows up. And in our fear, we doubt our decisions that we were so excited about making! But it’s in staying put with the changes that we’ve brought about that we can tap into and feel our strength.

So this is what I’m doing, I’m hanging about. I’m staying put with my decisions to embark on this new, exciting life, allowing any emotions that arise and using the lessons that come to strengthen my character.

Coming Inside

By hitting exhaustion, I was forced to marvel at how the Universe works. No longer able to rush about ‘making things happen’, I got to sit back and allow things to unfold naturally. And whilst I believe it’s a good thing to actively go out and grab life, I can see how important it is also for us to loosen our grip over how things turn out. We can be both out there in the world having an influence and resting inside.

Rejuvenation

I don’t regret for a minute starting a new chapter. I think it was a fantastic idea. But I know too that in amongst making calls to the landlord, going along to interviews and seeking out yoga spaces, I also need to allow myself time for rejuvenation.

So, I’m asking you now to join me this Summer in rejuvenating yourself and finding a balance between your go, go, go self and your restful self. Will you join me?

Training For The Marathon: The Journey So Far

It has been a very eventful last few months in marathon training – the pace has picked up fast and it’s now hard to believe that I only took up jogging again last October. The runner in me is thrilled to be given this opportunity to show what she’s made of. Well, actually, today the runner in me is feeling a bit sorry for herself, as bending down and even walking are proving to be quite difficult since running the Grove Half-Marathon on Sunday! But, aside from the current soreness – which will soon heal and is all just part and parcel of training for a marathon – things are going good. My journey so far…

I started off at Uni running once or twice a week with my running buddy Ros. We’ve been great motivation for each other from the go and have managed to keep our running schedule fresh by adding lots of variety. We’ve ran around the football field, through the Woodlands, to the other Uni campus, up to ASDA, as well as staying close to home and lapping the Uni halls – I enjoyed this, challenging myself to go an extra lap or two! On University days, we’d run mornings and during school placement, the evenings, as we’d be getting up even earlier and didn’t fancy running at 5am! Typically, we’d aim for three runs a week, and although we weren’t too rigid with ourselves on the exact time or day, we seemed to stick to this well. On seeing our fitness and strength increase, we progressively upped the pace, and in our prime we were running one 30 minute and two 40 minute runs a week.

Last month I was on placement in Paris, and keen to continue with my training, I packed my running gear and a copy of Runner’s World – which I have totally gotten into! Lucky for me, a few others on the course had the same idea too and soon enough I had myself a running crew, or as we liked to call ourselves ‘ladies who run’. We ran together all around La Defense, looking up at the skyscraper buildings and with the Arc de Triomphe and the Eiffel Tower in view – amazing! Our calf muscles certainly felt the impact of all the steps we were running up and down, but nevertheless our motivation remained strong to the end. We kept the runs consistent, going for 30 minutes every other evening – and this felt just right.

On returning to England, and with just a week to go before my half-marathon, I knew it was time to rest. Perfect time too, being away from Uni and on Easter holidays in Dorset. I wanted to get to Sunday feeling well-rested and in top spirits. Five days before the marathon, I went for one last run. Knowing that I hadn’t yet had a ‘big run’, or anything more than 50 minutes, I planned on making this one an hour. Perhaps I could have made it to the 60 minutes, or longer, but on that day I didn’t. I ran for 45 minutes, and felt exhausted after that. So, I never made my big run beforehand, but there was no time to worry – marathon day was fast approaching…

I didn’t feel particularly fit at the start of the race, or particularly anything, apart from cold! My arms were bare and I just couldn’t wait to get going to warm up! I’d had my usual morning porridge and a banana closer to the run, which felt good. I didn’t see the worth of ‘loading the carbs’ too much just before running, but had had plenty more carbohydrates than usual leading up to the day and the night before, supplying me with lots of energy. And before I had a chance to rethink my new running trousers decision, fiddle around with the safety pins fastening my running number to my top or wish I’d made more of a logical plan to get me through the run, I was off… and very quickly being overtaken by a lot of runners, including my brother Joe and Ros’s boyfriend Liam. That was the last I saw of those two!

Me and Ros stayed together at the start and seemed to be laughing a lot – I put this down to nerves. Here we were, actually running a half-marathon, surrounded by the White Horse Harriers running club, wow! The laughing didn’t last long, as the mileage and breathwork increased. For every mile, I decided to run for someone I knew; I ran for my family members, for my friends, and then finally for the last mile I ran for everyone and the world! Perhaps a choice fuelled by endorphins, but it just felt right! and worked as a great focus and source of inspiration – anything to take my mind off my increasingly heavy legs and the distance to the finish. Where was it, the end?

Well I can gladly say, I did find the end. And I didn’t make a bad time either: 2:10. I had kept to my aim too – the one I made around mile four, working out that I was making each mile just within ten minutes. I saw my Mum’s smiling face, cheering me on as I ran the last 400m, and as I like to do in my training, I mustered together all my remaining energy and flew into a sprint to the finish line and I really was flying high! Although immediately collapsing to the ground afterwards, clutching my White Horse Harriers mug I had just been handed, I stayed high for quite a while – the endorphins really had got me.

I can say I’ve never experienced anything like it. What a rush and a real sense of achievement the half-marathon has given me. I’ve learnt such a lot already through my training, and I’m feeling strong and determined as ever for the full marathon this October in Amsterdam. Bring on the rest of the training and the very next run! Now, where’s my copy of Runner’s World?…

Sink or Swim

sink or swim

So, I’m living back in halls, as a student again. I’ve dived head first into a world entirely new and unfamiliar and you know I couldn’t be happier.

From the day I moved in some eight weeks ago, my life has been drumming to a new beat – a faster, more exciting, less predictable one. With little time to adapt, I seemed to just appear in a distinctly different arena: new city, surroundings, bedroom, friends, course, lifestyle, routines… I said goodbye to the country bumpkin me that was becoming and hello to the new life, noticing that not a single bit of continuity was supporting me. It was clear that it was down to me – was I going to sink or swim?

For the first few days, I bobbed along on the surface, minding my way and seeing what cropped up. I was settling into my new living arrangement, spending long days at university, forming quick and sturdy friendships, laughing a lot, whilst all the time trying to make sense of the latest me.

I observed various aspects of myself emerge, from what I now know as a deep hibernation; all sorts of language, behaviour and means of self-expression. Suddenly, I was no longer hiding myself behind an overly positive curtain, choosing which emotions were good and holding in the so-called bad. Now I was dipping in to a whole palette of emotions, including anger, frustration, indifference and sadness.

On week two, I sunk. Crying wholeheartedly down the phone to my family, I realised how lost I felt. The rollercoaster I was holding so tightly onto was all too much for me. I wanted off the ride, immediately. I longed for the continuity back in my life, the peace and quiet. I put my sense of bewilderment down to bad decision making: did I really want to train as a primary school teacher? Had I stepped onto a path that I didn’t want to go down?

I soon realised that what I thought was me acting out of my nature, was actually the very opposite. I was being more true to myself than I had for a while – I was letting myself shine through, uncensored. “It’s ok to be me, to be whole and feel the way I do”, I cried.

What a relief I felt at that moment, when I let myself off the hook for being myself, in understanding that things don’t need to be so rosy. I took down the curtain that day and have been swimming head above the water since.

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