At various points in our lives, we form a ‘perfect picture’ of how things should be. An ideal, an image of what should be happening, what others should be doing and what we ourselves should be achieving. Unaware of this self-created illusion, we keep ourselves back, in a position where we are unable to move, to act and to be our authentic selves.
Doing what we love is often threatened by our need, our quest to be perfect. Afraid of not living up to our own or others expectations, we put things to one side, intending to pick them up when we are in that perfect place we dream of.
We love to sing, to dance, to act, to write, to travel, to teach Maths, but we tell ourselves that we are not able, not ready to fully embrace this path yet. We are not ready to sing this song to the world, to show ourselves in this light, because we have so much yet to learn, to discover, to improve on before we can do so. And so, transfixed by the perfect image, we choose to walk down other paths in life, live out other identities and versions of ourselves, allowing our hearts true loves to take place only in our dreams. We sleep and dream out the perfect, ‘unattainable’ scenarios and then on waking, we resume the real world.
What we are saying is that if we can’t be perfect at something, then we won’t do it at all. And this way of thinking is very destructive. “If I can’t be the perfect journalist, performer, cake-maker, artist, school teacher then I won’t do it at all.” We decide to live in pretence that we never cared or felt that way in the first place.
I used to think this way myself; that I’d only be able to do what I wanted to when I was perfect. I had ideas and visions clear in my mind of who I so wanted to be; the perfect yogi, the perfect person, in perfect health. “I’ll share yoga with others when I’m much more flexible and have full knowledge and skills myself. I’ll offer nutritional advice when I’m in peak form myself and have been through extensive training and read tons more books. I’ll contact Yoga Magazine when I’ve had a lot more life experience and gained more wisdom in the field.” But, I’ve learnt and am still learning that we can act the whole way along the stepping stones, and that it’s the time in the river that’s important – from the very first stone we tread.
I offer you a new perspective. A chance to get over the fear of not achieving perfection and just starting out no matter what, enjoying being present, feeling alive and having a good time with the first steps. Whatever it is that you really love to do, take hold of today. Be gentle, not forceful and feel those butterflies in the belly. Instead of seeing the perfect you as a far-off image, see yourself as perfect now.
Will you join me in dissolving the perfect picture, and see yourself as perfect today?
18/02/2010 at 15:55
I love this blog. I love some of the images “it’s the time in the river that’s important” – so true. And I totally agree that doing something just because you enjoy it, just because you feel like it, just because you love it, is often reason enough to do it. Not the reason to do something stupid, of course, but if you feel something is right, go ahead and do it and it doesn’t matter if you can’t do it as well as someone else or as well as you are “supposed” to. I love dancing. I don’t care if I look daft or too old or fat to dance! I dance because I love it. If I was waiting till I could dance “properly”, I’d never dance at all!
Goals are funny things – so important some of the time, and some of them are essential, but they can also be just signposts, a direction to try out, and there is nothing wrong in choosing a different path when you reach a crossroads – goals can change. They don’t need to be goals for their own sake, they are goals for your sake. They shouldn’t be harsh and unforgiving and overriding. They should be inspirational and kind and flexible – that is the sort of goal that helps me, anyway.
Perfect – what does perfect mean? I don’t think I will ever see myself as perfect, but I can be totally happy with myself, and accept myself just as I am, imperfections included – maybe that is what perfect means to some people. Words are just words after all. But I totally agree with what I think you mean, that today is where we are in our journey through life, and what a wonderful feeling to be completely happy with who we are today. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try to do things better and better, but it does mean I can enjoy where I have got to so far. Surely being happy with ourselves and accepting ourselves, with all our perfections and imperfections, and also others with their perfections and imperfections, is one of the secrets of happiness.
Thank you for your wise words. Life certainly is a journey, and one that we can all help each other in, and reading ideas like yours is one of those things that help us along the way.
22/02/2010 at 20:21
I LOVE this post – totally on the mark. Dare I call it ‘perfect’?
This ‘perfection paralysis’ is so painful because of how huge the gap is between our perfect vision and our far-from-it reality. Doing nothing is so far removed from ‘doing it perfectly’ so of course we’ll have regrets and dissatisfaction.
I’ve written a lot of blog posts around this topic which people can read via http://www.youinspireme.co.uk/blog
Thanks as ever Rosanna.